


12 Days of Ererimas

by Opulence



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, Features Art School!Ereri, Fluff, Like this is the fluffiest shit I'll ever write, M/M, Suuuuper sappy, WIMTF!Ereri, With pictures for each day, and Canon!Ereri, sappy romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 21:31:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opulence/pseuds/Opulence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collaboration effort between Tumblr users Hikariix and Rivaille-Fetish. 12 short fics and 12 beautiful Ereri fan-arts, one for each day of Christmas. All art is courtesy of the wonderful Hikariix, and ficlets are written by Rivaille-Fetish.</p><p>Features 3 different universes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

 

"Do you remember anything from when we were young?"

"Mm?" Eren closes an eye and squints at the canvas before him with furrowed brows, impatience and irritation reflected in his eyes. He leans in and presses the tip of his brush, saturated with deep red acrylic paint, to the stretched fabric and traces a sloping line down the outline of what will be Levi’s neck-

"Oi, Eren, focus. Do you remember anything from when we were young?"

 Eren responds first with a sigh, then pointedly stops and places his brushes on the table beside him. “Let me just put down  _everything_  I’m doing and ‘focus.’ Of course I do. Why?”

Levi is completely unfazed by Eren’s melodrama and he continues as though he’s engaged in a mutually desired conversation. Legs crossed, he leans back in his chair to gaze in the general direction of the far wall. After years of observing his habits and quirks, Eren knows that his focus isn’t really caught by anything and he’s just deep in thought. He isn’t sure if that’s a good thing. “Everyone’s going home for the holidays and I’ve just been thinking. We’ve known each other for quite a while, I’m surprised we haven’t gotten sick of each other.”

Levi has been like this for as long as Eren can remember. He isn’t heartless, but there is certainly a part of him that isn’t particularly worried about whether or not people are personally offended by his words. Eren is almost positive that he says things  _because_  he knows that his words can sting. He’s blunt, occasionally crude, and often downright unpleasant. This isn’t new information. He has  _always_ operated like this, and it shouldn’t be surprising, but… He interrupted his painting to say  _this_? “I… Yeah, thanks? I think? Can I get back to what I’m doing, now that we’ve established that?” He sighs and shifts his body to retrieve his brushes, then pauses just long enough to add, “And please, Levi, you know I don’t like it when you watch me paint. Go sit somewhere else, if you don’t mind.”

"I know, it makes you self-conscious about your work. You’ve been like that since you were barely tall enough to reach your kitchen counter-"

"You still can’t, you know."

Levi narrows his eyes and crosses his arms as he rebuts, “You’ve always had an issue with that mouth of yours, too. As I was saying before you so  _rudely_  interrupted, you never liked it when people watched what you were doing. It didn’t matter what it was. Painting, making macaroni art, doodling with crayons, even creating your little play-doh sculptures. In retrospect, it doesn’t make much sense. You’re generally obnoxious and intrusive about everything else.”

Eren managed to return to painting for a total of three seconds before Levi’s jab cut him down again. He places his brush on the table for the second time and turns his entire body in his chair to face Levi, mimics the way that he crossed his arms, and raises a challenging eyebrow. “You know, strangely enough, you haven’t changed much either. You’re the same little nine-year-old kid who had to sit down to leave the emergency exit during bus evacuation drills because you were too short. Everyone else jumped and you couldn’t. In fact, you’d  _still_  need to sit down.”

"Is my height really the only ammunition you have? What a shame. I, on the other hand, remember quite a bit about you. For example, the day in middle school when I was told that someone tore up your sketchbook and you’d retaliated. Do you recall that? You tried to start a fight with someone twice your size and even brought your sister into it. I had to intervene and save both of your asses before you got yourselves into even more trouble. Hotheaded little dipshit."

"Yeah? Well, I remember when you sprained your ankle during one of those timed mile runs in the fifth grade. You lost your footing in a ditch and completely faceplanted, you got dirt  _everywhere._  You got up and finished anyway, but you made your ankle worse and you took twice as long to recover.”

"…And?"

Eren pauses and bites his lip when he comes to the realization that what he did was actually admirable and there isn’t much he can complain about. “You’re… Uh… You don’t take care of yourself enough. You  _still_  don’t focus on your health. I’ve spent way too many nights baking cookies at 2 am to get you motivated to hurry up and finish your work so you can sleep. You’re just as stubborn as I am.”

"Are you stupid? You spend those nights awake with me. You stay up as long as I do, don’t even give me that shit."

"Well, it’s only because  _you’re_  awake! If you would just sleep, I’d sleep too,” Eren retorts, exasperated, and the corners of Levi’s mouth twitch up just slightly.

"What else do I have? Ah, you’ve always been terrified of horror. We went to see Dark Water I was in my freshman year and you were in grade 7. Great movie, if you don’t remember it, and I’m sure you don’t. You were too busy trying not to shit yourself, and you were shaking so hard that I could feel it through the seats. We sat through half of the movie, but I think you finally lost it when the water-"

"Nonononono, I remember, no need to remind me. Lay off, Levi. I was like, 12."

"You were actually 13 or 14. Besides, you still react similarly when we watch things together now."

"Shh. What about the time you tried baking me a cake for my birthday in the eighth grade? Remember how that turned out?"

Levi cringes and rubs his temples with a sigh, “I’ve  _never_  claimed to be good at baking, Eren. I cook. Period.”

"I noticed! You know, when most people say that they can’t bake, they just aren’t particularly good at a certain aspect of it. You… That cake was sunken, burnt,  _and_  dry. I don’t actually know how you managed it.”

"You should be happy I did  _anything_  for your birthday, Jaeger.”

"I was, don’t get me wrong. I appreciated your efforts. I just appreciated that we went out for ice cream instead a little bit more," Eren quips. "Anyway, what’s up with all of the reminiscing all of the sudden? Is this supposed to be a hint that you want to go home for Christmas?"

"Not quite. Just out of curiosity, are you aware that you’ve been my best friend since then?"

"Really?"

"Surprising, right? You probably would’ve driven most people off after the first year and a half." Eren pushes Levi’s shoulder lightheartedly, then Levi breathes a chuckle and continues, "I have to admit that I’m glad that we ended up taking the same general path in life. Regardless of how many times I mess with your SC hotkeys, hide your supplies, or just tease you in general, your presence in my life has been important since we were children. I deeply treasure the relationships I form with people, you know that, and our past is important to me." He reaches down into his pocket and when he pulls his hand back out there is a small, shiny, elliptical object attached to a thin chain. In one swift movement he presses a finger to the side and it flips open to reveal two small compartments, one of which holds a small picture of Eren and Levi as children. "You’re a significant part of my life. Even when I’m irritated after a late night of studying and I brush you off as being less important than my studies, when I tell you not to do certain things in public, and when I sleep instead of talking to you, you’re still important. I’ve kept this picture for years. Not for any particular reason, mind you, don’t flatter yourself," Eren rolls his eyes, feigning irritation while trying to (unsuccessfully) suppress the smile creeping across his lips, "but I was recently thinking about it and I probably don’t tell you all of this enough. What better time than the holidays to change that?"

Levi holds it out to Eren and he takes it with trembling fingers, then delicately traces the outline of the shell and touches the picture with his thumb. “Why is one side empty?”

"I figured we should save that for the future, when we’re old." Levi watches his eyes widen slightly, then fall back down to the locket as his cheeks flush. This is more than just a locket, it’s an  _oath;_ he knows that Eren understands the implication and how much this actually means _._ He gives it a few seconds to sink in and allows Eren to compose himself, and when the time is right, he diffuses the heaviness so that Eren can finally continue painting. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure that I photoshop us so that we don’t look like shit. Sagging skin is a pain in the ass to fix up, though, so you better hope that you age gracefully.”

Eren closes his palm around it, wipes his eyes on his paint-covered sleeves, and punches Levi in the arm. “Shut up.”

Levi’s smile is slight but it’s there, it’s there and it conveys more than he cares to say with words. Judging by the way that Eren’s still blushing, something tells him that his emotions have been received. “Merry Christmas, Eren.”

—-

_**Day 1: One Locket with our Picture** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> post: http://hikariix.tumblr.com/post/70134635300/hello-everyone-opulence-and-i-are-so-happy-and#Notes
> 
> Art School AU.


	2. On the Second Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

__

"Could you make sure that Levi gets this when he wakes up?"

In his altered state of consciousness, Levi only knows that it’s Eren’s voice and it’s entirely too early for anyone to be talking. He hears his name but he isn’t awake enough to consider what it may or may not be in reference to, so he simply groans, grabs a pillow, and presses it to his exposed ear. The alarm clock beside his head reads 4:35, and a pang of displeasure hits when he realizes that he needs to be up in three hours. He huffs an exasperated sigh, rolls over onto his stomach, buries his face in his pillow, and hopes that he can get to sleep again before the alarm sounds.

The next time he opens his eyes, he’s assaulted by angry red numbers, no more than a few inches away from his face, that read 7:25.

 _Five minutes before I’m supposed to be up. Really? Really. Fucking wonderful._  His first class starts in forty-five minutes, which gives him fifteen minutes to get dressed. It takes a significant amount of energy that he doesn’t particularly possess to heave himself out of bed and into the shower, and he’s running on  _borrowed_  energy by the time he’s dressed and grabbing a granola bar to eat on the way out the door.

"Levi! Wait, hold on!" A soft, hurried voice stops him when he’s just about to close the door behind him; Armin’s hand catches the edge of the door and pries it back open. Levi blinks and watches him shuffle around for something within the inner pocket of his jacket. The small while envelope that he extends to him catches him by surprise and he isn’t actually sure if he should take it.

"What’s this for?"

"Eren told me to give it to you, I didn’t realize that you were leaving already."

The morning’s semi-conscious occurrences flood back into his mind and he asks, “Oh, is this what Eren was talking about? What is it?”

Armin simply shrugs and his arm remains outstretched before him, white envelope thrusted toward Levi. He frowns slightly and gingerly grasps it between two fingers, then shoots him a curt nod before he pushes the door closed.

He doesn’t have the foggiest idea what the envelope is for. Levi can’t think of any instances in which Eren has borrowed money lately and even if he could, there has never been an expectation to be reimbursed. Eren knows that he doesn’t mind occasionally paying for the things he needs. It’s not his birthday yet and it wouldn’t make sense for him to give him his card so early, so that’s also out of the question. There aren’t any addresses or stamps on the front of the envelope, so it isn’t mail, either.  _What the hell is that little fuck up to?_

On a normal day, Levi prides himself on his patience and his self-restraint, especially since everyone around him is young and impulsive (see: Eren). This, however, is drastically different. There’s something about this envelope that’s incredibly difficult for him to ignore:  _he doesn’t have the foggiest idea what it is or what’s in it_. Coming from Eren, that’s probably not a good sign. In fact, that’s almost certainly a bad sign. Without slowing, he tucks his messenger bag behind his body so he doesn’t hit anyone while he walks to class, and takes the envelope in both of his hands, tears open the top, and removes the contents.

It’s just a small, square scrap of paper, messily ripped on two sides and adorned with Eren’s brand of horrible handwriting. In order to decipher it, Levi does actually need to slow his walking and focus, much to his chagrin. It takes longer than he would’ve liked and there are still one or two words that he doesn’t think are English, but he manages it.

_I’m not too great at writing_

_But I’ll really try my best,_

_Your gift today’s exciting,_

_But to get to it… Of course, there’s a test._

_The next letter is hidden where_

_You go to sit and learn,_

_Tucked beneath your FAVORITE chair_

_(From what i could discern…?)_

Levi stops in his tracks and stares incredulously as people push past him. Judging by the quality of the poem, this is undoubtedly Eren’s, there’s no question about that. He supposes that the question he  _should_  be asking himself is why _?_  Why was this written and what on earth did he mean by the next envelope? 

 _If this brat is sending me on a fucking scavenger hunt, I’m going to end him._  He genuinely considers not going along with it. It’s Monday, he has classes and plenty of work that he needs to focus on. He really doesn’t have the energy nor desire to scour the city looking for badly written poems. It won’t benefit him in the long run, not like his actual fucking education will. He should be focusing on his classes and making sure that he gets everything settled before winter break, not entertaining Eren’s hare-brained schemes. It’s crunch time and there is too much at stake.

Despite his reservations, the same curiosity that pushed him to open the envelope in the first place eats away at the corners of his thoughts, begging him to entertain Eren’s request and find out what this is all about. He really isn’t great at writing, after all, and the fact that he wrote poetry regardless tells Levi that he actually put effort into this. Besides, most of his the work he’s needed to get done for his classes has been done for weeks, so there isn’t actually anything pressing that he needs to worry about. If he wants to be honest with himself, he has  _plenty_ of time to play along. A vexed sigh falls from his lips and he decides, at that moment, that he’ll see what this next envelope is like and decide whether or not he wants to continue this from there.

It’s only fifteen minutes to his Digital Imaging class and he prefers to arrive early so he can organize himself and get situated. This is particularly helpful today, because when he gets to his class, he automatically searches for the envelope Eren had mentioned. Levi enjoys a certain level of routine and he likes to sit in the same seat every day if he has the chance; he’s done this since he was a child, and he knows that Eren is aware of this habit. His clue can only mean one thing, and his assumptions are proven correct when he peers beneath the chair and sees a small envelope taped to the plastic underside of the seat. Once he detaches it, he sits back and empties its contents onto the desk space in front of him. He sees another note, but it’s among a handful of smaller strips of paper. Curious, he sorts a few out and arranges them in a line in front of him and reads,

_How about you and I go downstairs and brush up on some of our strokes?_

_True post-modernists say that perfection is unattainable. so tell me, perfect: is it true?_

_I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you_

_I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together._

_You’re an art major? I’d let you draw me naked anytime._

_I’m thinking of switching my major to fine arts so I can study **you.**_

_Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?_

_Is your dad an art thief? Because you’re a masterpiece._

_Even Santa doesn’t make candy as sweet as you._

He rubs his temples and focuses on shakes his head in absolute astonishment while trying to dispel the warmth threatening to spread across his cheeks. They’re  _awful_. He can hardly believe that Eren actually took the time to write them out. No, he takes that back. He can  _absolutely_  believe that Eren took the time to write them out, what he can hardly believe is that he didn’t see it coming. Eager to move on, he leafs through and takes the poem note between his fingers and scans it.

_Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue,_

_You probably hate me_

_But I did it for you. (_ There’s a small, messy heart here, and Levi rolls his eyes.)

_I hope you enjoyed my pickup lines! If you didn’t, take it up with Armin, he told me most of them. Anyway:_

_Your next envelope’s location_

_You should find with decent speed:_

_While our friends are on vacation_

_You’ll come here to sit and read._

People are filing into the lecture hall now and he folds up the papers and tucks them into his bag. He’ll have to sit down and have a serious talk with Eren about his poetry, just to verbally establish that he should  _really_  stick to art.

Minutes pass that eventually turn into hours, and for the first time in months, Levi notices that he’s having a difficult time focusing in class. Mondays are usually rough, but rarely to this extent. As much as he hates to admit it, he can’t help that his mind continually wanders back to the notes, to the shitty pickup lines, forcefully-rhymed “clues” and Eren’s chicken-scratch. An internal conflict that makes it even more impossible to retain information is created when he realizes that pondering the location of the next note is infinitely more interesting than listening to his professor talk about things that he already knows, but it’s only  _arguably_  more interesting than his grades. Once again, Eren has managed to make his life 150% more difficult than it should be.

His heightened awareness of the time ensures that dismissal comes as slowly as it possibly can. He’s the first out the door and for a short moment, it’s a weight off of his shoulders. He can finally gather himself and quiet his thoughts, all he needs to do is find this envelope and figure out, once and for all, what this is all about. He has plenty of time. His next class isn’t for another hour, and it’s a beautiful day: partly cloudy, only slightly breezy, and finally dry after the morning’s frost, though it’s still chilly. Days like this are perfect for walks around the campus park, and he figures he may even get the chance to sit back and… read. It hits him as an epiphany and he knows  _exactly_  where he needs to go.

He breaks into a half-jog toward the park with his bag padding gently against his lower back. Like how he tends to sit at a certain desk, there is one particular tree that he enjoys relaxing and reading under, though it’s less out of habit and more because it’s the only tree lined with a concrete platform so that he doesn’t need to sit on dirt. He arrives fairly quickly and he’s incredibly relieved to see that the envelope is still where Eren had placed it. At the same time, he’s absolutely  _appalled_  to see that the envelope is still where Eren had placed it.

It’s in the tree. Not beneath it or beside it, but wedged between a few branches out of Levi’s reach.  _Damn him for being so tall._

He’s forced to scale a branch and retrieve the letter that way. This tree is in no way made for climbing and he very nearly loses his balance on the thin branch on more than one occasion, but he retrieves it anyway, and when he does, he settles back against the base of the tree and lets his legs hang from either side of the branch. Like the last envelope, this one contains numerous sheets of paper, all with writing on them. These aren’t just lines, however, these are short passages detailing inside jokes that they’d share and memories and that out, memories like the ones that they’d shared yesterday. He’s physically incapable of keeping a straight face, he needs to smile. They’ve known each other for so long and their relationship has been far from normal. They’ve shared  _plenty_  of bizarre experiences and Eren has done an excellent job bringing them back to the surface again. It’s almost amazing how much he longs to experience them again, back when everything was so simple and all he needed to worry about was making sure that Eren didn’t get himself into shit that he couldn’t handle (which, unfortunately, happened all too often). Their lives are far more complicated now; between college, paying rent, being completely self-sufficient, handling relationships, and worrying about the future. It’s a harrowing thought but he knows he’s in a good place with his life right now, this is just a part of growing up and he can only do his best to ensure that his future is what he wants it to be. Having someone to remind him of all of the things that used to make him happy is good enough.

Having Eren is good enough.

The inside jokes and memories are a nice distraction from the world for a little while, until he realizes that there isn’t a “clue” note anywhere in sight. He scans the ground below him, checks his pockets, then double-checks the envelope, wondering if he may have just missed it, but… no. There really isn’t a note. Levi isn’t surprised but he  _is_  irritated: it’s typical for Eren to forget something like this, but this also means that this has all been a waste of time and he’d lost concentration during his lesson for nothing. It’s equally annoying that he won’t be able to finish this bullshit that Eren has laid out for him and it’s borderline  _terrifying_  that someone else may open up the envelopes, because God knows what Eren filled the other ones with. _Why is he such a pain in the ass?_  With a groan, Levi heaves himself out of the tree and pulls out his phone to check the time. There’s still plenty of time left for him to get some reading in before his next class. Staring down at his phone, he considers calling Eren to ask about this little stunt of his, but… It’s not worth it. He’s probably in the middle of a class anyway, he’ll just see him when he gets home.

Despite knowing that there isn’t anywhere he can go from here in terms of what Eren had set up, Levi is distracted by thoughts of the notes and envelopes throughout the rest of his remaining classes and all the way home. He catches himself inadvertently glancing under his desks and seats, hoping to catch a glimpse of the white corner of an envelope, and he can’t stand being this unfocused. Eren has singlehandedly thrown his entire day off-balance and when his last class ends at 5:00, he’s more than ready to go home and confront him about it. There are plenty more important things for him to be worrying about, this is his  _future_  and for that to be thrust aside for the sake of a petty scavenger hunt is ridiculous. Levi has summoned up quite a bit of frustration by the time he’s home and he very nearly slams the door behind him, which makes Armin jump on the couch.

"Oh, welcome home. How was your day?"

"Did Eren say anything to you?"

Armin’s brows furrow and he tilts his head to the side in a classic show of confusion. “About what?”

"You know about what."

"U-Uh, no? Is everything okay?"

Levi exhales a sigh and turns to the kitchen without another word. He’s not in the mood anymore, he has no desire to deal with any of Eren’s shit and he doesn’t  _care_  at this point. All he wants to do is sneak a few Oreos because he fucking deserves them and go back to his room to take a nap before he dedicates his night to reteaching himself the material that he missed today. He reaches into the cabinet to grab the resealable package but something feels strange, the flap on top is folded strangely and it’s lighter than he remembers it being. The breath catches in his throat when he peels back the seal and sees a small envelope resting over an empty row and between two full rows of Oreos, and he’s not completely sure if it’s because he hadn’t been expecting a note or because Eren polished off an entire row of Oreos for this. Is Levi’s routine really this predictable? No, he can wonder about that later, he snatches the envelope up and pours its contents onto the countertop.

This time there aren’t any handwritten notes besides the clue; instead, there are a number of small printed pictures of Levi and Eren during various stages of their lives. He notices one from Eren’s elementary school graduation, one from Levi’s thirteenth birthday, a small one from a local art show they’d both had work in, something from Eren’s first day of college… There’s a handful of them and he recognizes all of them as particularly important days in their lives, important days that they’d experienced together. The nostalgia from earlier creeps back into his mind and he tucks the photos in his pocket and finally reads the note.

_I hope I didn’t worry you_

_By not giving a lead—_

_Such a simple, pointless clue_

_Just isn’t what you need._

_This hunt is coming to a close_

_I hope that you’re excited._

_I’ve made sure that nobody knows_

_About where you’re invited:_

_We come here every Saturday_

_For coffee, chats, and food;_

_(This time I promise that I’ll pay_

_Since it’ll fit the mood)_

_Just order what you always get_

_You’ll see what I’ve in store,_

_It’s **nothing**_ _that you’ve thought of yet,_

_I promise that… and more._

He knows exactly where he needs to go, yet this is still the most cryptic note thus far. He and Eren spend their Saturday mornings talking over coffee at a local café and that’s certainly the place that he’s referencing, but what is the rest supposed to mean? What the  _fuck_  does he have “in store” that Levi hasn’t thought of yet? It’s common knowledge that most scavenger hunts end with a prize and he’s aware of this, but it really had slipped his mind that, in an ideal world, there should actually be something at the end of these badly-rhymed hints and little surprises. There isn’t an ounce of him that has any idea what it could be, and that worries him. Eren is impulsive and he doesn’t always think through the consequences of his actions, so depending on what this is, there is a potential for issues to arise. (There is always potential for issues to arise with him, honestly, but it’s especially problematic right now.) Armed with his phone and a handful of Oreos, he leaves the apartment and starts directly toward the café.

The barista working is, surprisingly enough, the one that he’s used to seeing on his Saturday morning visits. Levi is able to simply order his “usual” without having to spend time explaining the particulars, and it’s a godsend because he’s on edge. To say that it’s been a long day is an understatement, and now that he has a chance to look around… Eren isn’t even here. What the hell? He examines each of the tables and even angles himself so that he can see the tables outside, but he’s nowhere to be seen. There’s absolutely no way that he forgot, so by extension, there is no reason for him not to be here.

_I really didn’t sign up for this shit._

Just as he crosses his arms and lets his eyes close so that he can get his blood pressure back to a normal level, he hears the barista calling for his drink order. What he’s presented with when he turns and opens his eyes makes his heart skip a beat: propped up against his coffee is another envelope. “This is yours, right?” She asks with a small smile. Levi nods, takes his order after a quiet word of thanks, and takes a seat at a table along the window. He doesn’t have the energy to sit back and pick apart how incredibly cliché this is. No, he reserves that energy to brace himself for the contents of this last envelope. It’s only one piece of paper, but it’s not a note. It’s a full-size, full-length letter, and it looks like Eren actually made a legitimate effort to write it legibly.

_I know that this whole scavenger hunt thing is pretty overused and it isn’t creative or anything but… I liked the idea and wanted to do it. I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d make it this far. Not because you’re the kind of person that would give up, but because I’m surprised you did it at all, you know? Anyway, I do have a reason for doing all of this, I swear I do. I have a reason for writing this letter, too, and I’ll get to that… now?_

_I was thinking a lot last night. It was so nostalgic, with the locket and the stories about our childhood and how we have and haven’t changed. I’ve known you for such a long time. I remember the stupid little games we used to play outside, how our imaginations were so much bigger than everything around us and we could run around for hours and never get bored. You said that I’ve always been your best friend and it made me think about our relationship growing up._

_We’ve always had fun together. You’ve always made me happy, too. You made me happy when we were children, running around the park pretending we were chasing giants and saving the world, and you make me happy now, when I’m watching early-morning cartoons while you sleep behind me. I’m happiest when I’m with you. You’ve been my best friend since I can remember, and now I can call you my boyfriend and I never realized how much I wanted that. I’m sorry I was oblivious for so long, I didn’t realize that you felt this way for as long as you did, but it’s so obvious in retrospect. I’m so glad you said something. It’s like… I’ve already spent my life with you. We still talk about everything, we still joke around, and you’re still a raging asshole most of the time. Nothing has really changed. The only difference is that now you’re a raging asshole that I can **kiss**. It still blows me away sometimes. I’ve harbored this incredible amount of respect for you for the longest time and now we’re together. I get butterflies just thinking about it. I hope that it doesn’t show in my handwriting, my hands are shaking. Nobody else makes me feel like this, you know._

_I don’t want it to seem like our relationship is perfect, I know that you’re a realist and I’m not really trying to be idealistic. We don’t always get along, I know that. We have our issues, we’ve had fights. You can be difficult to get along with, you have this mood that you settle into sometimes that makes it impossible for me to talk to you because of how emotionally distant you are. I’m not off the hook, I know I can be stubborn and once I set my mind on something, I **need**_ _to do it. We’re not perfect. I think that’s why we do so well together, though: we don’t **expect**  perfection. You’ve learned to deal with my pigheadedness and you’re good at getting through to me. I’d like to say that I’m pretty good at getting you to open up. You’re not an open book by any stretch of the imagination, but you seem more comfortable around me than you do around most people. I’m really grateful for that._

_Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. Thank you for staying by my side. thank you for being here for me when nobody else is. Thank you **so much**  for playing along with this whole scavenger hunt. I really hope you don’t regret it._

_I guess if I had to summarize all of that, it comes down to this: you’re the single most incredible person I’ve ever met. I will never meet anyone like you again._

_Now. Do me a favor and close your eyes, then hold out your hand. I trust you with my life, Levi, and I know you probably don’t want to do this, but… Just trust me too, okay?_

He doesn’t even give himself a chance to contemplate how incredibly sweet that was and how much he appreciates it because he’s going to kill him. Levi is going to  _kill_  him when this is all said and done. He feels absolutely ridiculous sitting in the middle of a public place with his eyes closed and his arm out in front of him—

His train of thought is halted by the feeling of someone slipping their hand beneath his and kissing his fingers. Eren’s face is the first thing he sees when his eyes snap open. He looks down at their hands and Levi follows, and when he sees what Eren is focusing on, his mind goes blank and his mouth falls open, but he can’t form words. For once in his life, he genuinely doesn’t know how to respond.

"Promise rings. I know that we haven’t been dating very long, but you’re really special to me. You’re not just my boyfriend. You’re my boyfriend, my best friend, my roommate, my teacher, my muse…"

"You’re getting sappy again, Jaeger," Levi whispers and Eren sighs with a smile.

"I promise that I’m yours, just yours, for as long as you want me." He carefully slides the ring onto Levi’s finger and hands him the other ring. Just as he’s about to do the same to Eren, he pauses and leans in, just inches from his face.

"You know that I’m a realist, and I’m not really trying to be idealistic, but how does forever sound?" The question is answered with a small nod and he pushes the ring carefully past his knuckle. When it’s fitted comfortably at the base of his finger, Eren takes Levi’s hands in his again. Moments before he moves in to seal it with a kiss, he murmurs,

_"I wouldn’t have it any other way."_

_—-_

**_Day 2: Two Promise Rings_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post: http://hikariix.tumblr.com/post/70230821886
> 
> Art School AU.


	3. On The Third Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

Something about Levi playing the violin is breathtaking, but Eren can’t put his finger on exactly what it is.

He  _does_  know that he reminds him heavily of the ocean.

Levi can play storm-stirred waters with lethal power and deadly waves of intensity, pulling unsuspecting victims in and enveloping them in fierce crescendos that barrel into fortes and fortissimos. His movements can be cold, calculating, sharp, and rough, so much so that they’ve put Eren physically on edge in the past. But, like the ocean, Levi knows a softer side; calmer waters provide slow, gentle melodies that sway with quiet emotion and blossom from pianissimos so soft that Eren can’t tell if he’s really playing or just pretending.

That’s his favorite. The way that Levi moves when he’s playing something soft and rife with emotion is his absolute favorite.

He supposes that it’s because Levi is notoriously good at keeping his emotions in check. He has a sharp tongue but his expression remains inscrutable in most situations, barring the occasional look of disgust or disbelief. Superfluous shows of emotion are a waste of energy, as are any words that could be better expressed with looks or gestures. When he plays, however, Eren is exposed to the depth of Levi’s emotional capability. His eyes close the moment the bow touches the string and his playing is punctuated with gentle sways and dips, which account for the reason why he strongly prefers to play standing up. There is a clear connection between him and what he plays and it’s reflected in his expressions, the way that his brow furrows or he bites his lip or squeezes his eyes shut just a little bit tighter. He  _is_  the music that he plays. He isn’t just Levi, he absorbs the essence of the piece and exudes the emotions and dynamics that the composer intended.

Eren recalls that the first day that he saw him play was also the first day that he’d ever considered Levi beautiful.

He’d been in elementary school and Levi had been in middle school. It had been after school, and Eren had journeyed all the way up the hill to the middle school so that he could walk home with him. It was a Tuesday, he recalls, because Tuesdays were the only day that Levi  _didn’t_  walk home with him, though he’d never said why. In Eren’s fourth-grade mind, it was Monday, not Tuesday. He’d waited outside for fifteen minutes before he’d buckled and ventured inside, directly into a significantly larger building than he was used to, one that he didn’t even attend. It took him twenty minutes to scour the empty halls, and he’d been prepared to give up and simply walk home when he’d heard the music.

It’d been soft but it’d been beautiful. He’d known that it was produced by a stringed instrument but he wasn’t familiar enough for orchestras to definitively say whether it was a violin, viola, cello, or even a bass (he really didn’t know which was which,) but it was beautiful and it piqued his curiosity.

When he’d peered through the window in the door at the end of the hallway, he didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t what he’d seen. Levi hadn’t ever told him that he played any instruments, and he  _certainly_  hadn’t mentioned that he was good. No, good was an understatement. He’d never seen, nor heard, anything as incredible as what he’d experienced at that exact moment. Levi had looked beautiful with his normally stoic features betraying him and showing the extent of his passion.

He hadn’t been thrilled when he’d realized that Eren had seen him, and it took quite a while for him to accept that his bratty neighbor had seen him at his most vulnerable, but Levi was never one to waste his time focusing on things that were out of his hands. What was done was done. Every Tuesday, Eren walked up to the middle school to watch and wait for Levi to finish so that they could go home. Every Tuesday, Eren sat in awe of what his best friend could do.

Looking back, he supposes that Levi was the reason why he’d started playing the cello. The first desire to play had come as a late-night longing to play a duet alongside him, and that desire hadn’t ever disappeared. It had sparked a flame within Eren that had driven him to learn and master it to the best of his ability. The goal he’d strived for every day had been to play with the same amount of dedication that Levi showed, to make his music as intimately connected to his heart and body as his senior had. There is no doubting that Eren was and is an incredible player, but he knows that he isn’t anywhere near Levi’s level. As far as he is concerned, nobody is.

To this day, nobody quite lives up to Levi’s playing.

Eren stifles a yawn and stretches his arms behind his head after a quick glance at the clock. 9:45 PM. He’s had a long day and the previous night had been an equally long night; he and Levi had stayed out long past when they  _should have_  been back, reminiscing over coffee and Christmas music. He’s officially tired to the point that he’s getting hopelessly lost in his thoughts and falling asleep with his eyes open, which is a new low even for him.

He stifles another yawn, and that’s his cue to go to sleep.

Just after he flips off his light, he turns onto his side and closes his eyes, reveling in how his body finally relaxes. For the first time in over 24 hours, he can finally relax and have time to himself—

"Eren. Come here, I need your help." A stream of light from his freshly-lit doorway shines directly into his eyes and Levi’s voice cuts through the peaceful silence that he’d been enjoying just seconds ago. Eren’s first instinct is to cover his eyes and groan.

"I’m tired, get Mikasa to do it."

"That wasn’t a fucking suggestion. Come here. I need your help."

"Levi-"

"I swear to god, if you don’t get up in the next 5 seconds, I’m going to dry out all of your acrylics. Don’t test me, you know I’ll do it. Get your ass out of bed and come here."

Eren doesn’t test the validity of Levi’s claim. He slips out of bed almost immediately, albeit unhappily, and follows him out the front door after they grab their coats and slip on shoes. “So, uh, what do you need, exactly?”

Levi turns to him and makes eye contact but doesn’t say anything for a few uncomfortable moments. When he does finally speak, it’s only to murmur, “I need you to reach something.”

It takes every ounce of self control Eren has not to laugh. “Too short to reach a cabinet, mmm? You know, maybe I should’ve gotten you like, a stepping stool or something instead of our rings.” The comment earns him a sharp jab in his ribs by Levi’s elbow, and he winces, “Okay, sorry. Why did you need me? Couldn’t you have gotten anyone else?”

"Clearly because you’re so goddamn good at irritating me, so I thought I’d return the favor. Shut up and walk, you’re not good at multitasking."

Eren frowns indignantly but obeys regardless and doesn’t say another word, not even when Levi leads him into one of the university’s main buildings. He has absolutely no idea what Levi’s doing here alone so late, and it seems to him like these rooms are all locked and currently unused anyway. It’s actually a little bit worrying, and he only says something when the uneasiness starts to settle in. “Are we… Are we allowed to be here?” He slows him pace to a near-stop and Levi turns around to face him a few paces beyond where he’d slowed.

"Why would I bring you here if I wasn’t given permission to be here?"

"Well…" He has a point. Levi isn’t the kind of person that would forcefully drag someone else into doing something forbidden with him. Still, that doesn’t explain why they’re in a nearly deserted building after dark. "Okay, fine, but would you at least tell me why we’re here? What do you need me to get? Levi, hey, Levi!" He’s forced to jog after him when he realizes that he’d resumed his normal pace while he’d been thinking.

"For the last time, quit running your mouth. I’ll show you in just a minute."

"Why not n-" Soft lips silence him mid-sentence and effectively stun him into submission. It isn’t a particularly heated kiss but it accomplishes what Levi had been aiming for: silence. He raises a hand to the back of his Eren’s head and runs his fingers through his hair just long enough to elicit a shiver, pulls back, and finishes it with another soft peck. Once he’s convinced that Eren is pacified, he grasps his hand and pulls him down the rest of the hallway without any further questions asked.

They stop in front of a door that Eren recognizes as the door to the music room and a fresh wave of confusion settles over his thoughts, but it fades into shock when Levi opens the door and pushes him into a single seat against the wall of the room that faces toward the center. Lying in his line of sight is a single violin, and he recognizes that violin right away. A dark flamed walnut back, a smooth spruce top and a deep red-brown varnish, polished to perfection and placed beside a pernambuco bow of a similar shade… This is Levi’s violin.

Never one for unnecessary speech, Levi approaches and picks up his violin without a word. What he  _does_  do, however, is make solid eye contact with Eren until he starts playing. It’s a vaguely smoldering look that makes Eren’s heart skip a beat, but he’s far more affected by what occurs next. From the second that his bow touches the string, Levi is plunged into a world separate of the one he’s in physically and Eren has the pleasure of seeing it happen.

Eren watches his features soften and relax, the tenseness and rigidity in his muscles fades and he falls into a state of bliss that absolutely radiates. Being given the privilege to see him like this is more of a gift than he could ever ask for, and he hopes that he’s half as good as Levi at communicating his thoughts and emotions nonverbally.

Each sway and shift pulls him deeper and deeper into admiration for the marvel standing before him, and at that exact moment, Eren realizes that that  _everything_  about Levi playing the violin is breathtaking. In fact, everything about Levi is breathtaking. The violin just brings it all to light.

—-

**_Day 3: Three Songs on the Violin For You_ **

[Einaudi- I Giorni](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y-hA-66ghs)

[Vitali - Chaconne](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4B1ifcWa9o)

[Song From a Secret Garden](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3opdwV1QW0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post: http://hikariix.tumblr.com/post/70330904330/
> 
> Art School AU.


	4. On The Fourth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

"I’m making you dinner tonight, so don’t eat today. I don’t want you to spoil your appetite."

"What am I, five? Besides, aren’t these gifts supposed to be a surprise? You could’ve thought of a way to surprise me, I’m sure. God knows you’re nauseatingly corny 99% of the time."

"What do you mean?"

"You just told me what my gift was, Eren. That’s not usually how this works."

Eren opens his mouth to argue but decides against it at the last minute, settling into a bit of a slouch with his arms crossed over his chest. “I… Mm, whatever. Just don’t eat anything, okay?” He reiterates with a frown. Levi pauses in front of the front door to shoot him a look of disbelief before he rolls his eyes and nods.

"Fine. What time do you need me home?"

Eren’s eyes go wide and Levi realizes that he hasn’t actually planned that out yet. At that particular moment, it occurs to him that his night has potential to be an absolute disaster, but Eren is his  _boyfriend_ , and he has a moral obligation to let it happen and enjoy it regardless of the circumstances.

_Well, this will be interesting._

"Ah… I’ll text you when I need you, alright?"

"I’ll have my phone."

"Okay, have a nice day. I’ll see you soon."

_Soon. That’s Eren’s idea of a time? Soon? He’s hopeless._

He leaves the apartment without another word because he  _knows_  that anything that comes out of his mouth at this point will be terribly, terribly sardonic.

———

At 4:50, mere minutes after his last class ended, Levi receives a text indicating that Eren needs him home “ _right now_ " and for him to " _text back as soon as you get this so I know that you’re coming_. _"_ It’s a ten minute walk from his building to their apartment and he’s forced to jog it on the assumption that there’s potentially something wrong that would require this level of urgency. He’s glad to see that nothing’s on fire, at least, but the normalcy leaves him with a creeping uneasiness in the pit of his stomach in regards to what  _could_  be an issue. Preparing himself for the worst, he opens the door slowly…

Nothing. Nobody even greets him at the door.

"I don’t know what the fucking hurry was, but I’m home," Levi mutters just after he shuts it behind him and starts to take off his shoes. It’s… Dark. Impossibly dark for the time of day. The curtains are all drawn shut and all of the lights are off, the only source of light he has is a dim, flickering glow from the other room. Is anyone even home? He glances down beside the door where Mikasa, Armin, and Eren usually keep their shoes, and the fact that it’s spotless for the first time in two years answers his question pretty quickly.

_What the fuck? Are we **really**  doing this again?_

This is the  _second_  time Eren has sent him somewhere alone, except he’s  _actually_  alone this time. The entire house is empty. How does he manage to do this? Levi had received the text telling him to come home less than half an hour ago. Eren is impatient, yes, but not this impatient. He didn’t get bored and leave, he had to have planned this.

_If he’s not actually making me dinner and I skipped my last two meals for nothing, I’m going to end him._

He turns his attention back to the warm light radiating from the other room and narrows his eyes. They don’t own anything that could produce that kind of light in that room. Without bothering to predict what Eren has done, Levi immediately starts toward the open doorway. Trying to get into Eren’s mind in the past has done nothing for him, it’s a waste of his precious time and energy. Eren is driven by raw emotion and he’s reckless at best; those closest to him know better than to try to anticipate his endeavors. Levi hadn’t even known that Eren was a hopeless romantic until two days prior and… now.

The little shit never fails to surprise him. When he turns the corner into the dining room, he’s greeted by their otherwise unimpressive dining table decorated with a fairly nice white tablecloth and a candelabra in the center, which is fitted with a single lit red candle. It’s set for two, complete with (messily) folded napkins and wine glasses. Since it’s a table bought with a college student’s budget, it’s small and fairly cramped, but its certainly spacious enough to seat the both of them and the close proximity in this particular situation seems ideal. Levi can’t quite string his thoughts together in a coherent manner when he approaches the table and runs his fingers along the fresh creases still left in the tablecloth, the creases that tell him that Eren had actually gone out to purchase this recently. It still smells like the plastic packaging it had undoubtedly come from. He’d really tried hard to make this nice. He looks back at the napkins to study them further, and he has to physically turn away from the table to process what he’s just seen.

_When I told him that he was corny, I didn’t say it to make him step it up a notch, for fuck’s sake._

Eren folded them into fucking hearts. Levi has never been so flattered and horrified in his entire life. When he does turn away, however, he notices a small piece of paper taped to the inside of the door that he hadn’t seen before. He picks it up and takes it back to read it in the glow of the candlelight, the only source of light he has.

_Levi-_

_Do me a favor and sit down, okay? I’ll be right there, I promise, just take a seat and wait for me. Relax. I’m sure you’ve had a long day and you need it._

Levi figures that Eren must have some sort of humiliation kink, because once again, he’s stuck feeling absolutely ridiculous. There aren’t people around to judge him, no, but there don’t need to be: he’s sitting alone, in the dark, at a table set for two, waiting for his host to return from wherever the hell he’s scampered off to. Hunger prevails, however, and he settles down into his chair with an irritated sigh. For the first minute or two, he focuses on unfolding and placing his napkin over his lap, then takes notice of the wine glasses. He’s in the midst of wondering about whether or not Eren managed to get his hands on wine and  _how_ , since he is underage, when he feels warm hands on the side of his face and something thin and made of fabric covers his eyes.

"What the  _fuck_  are you doing, Jaeger?”

"Shhhh," Eren breathes into his ear, so close that he feels his breath and it makes the hair on the back of his neck stand. He plants a gentle kiss on his temple and Levi hears him walk away again, back out of the room and into another room, which he only knows because of the sound of the door closing behind him. Confused isn’t quite the correct word for what he is right now. No, he’s dumbfounded. Eren just blindfolded him. Eren created a beautiful, elaborate set-up and  _blindfolded him._  Is he an idiot?

_Do I even need to ask that?_

Another sigh. It’s still his job to let this happen. As hard as it is, he needs to trust that Eren has some grasp on what he’s doing, and he needs to sit back and try to enjoy it. He leans back in his chair and crosses his legs just as he’s hit by a multitude of scents, all good. The gentle clang of two plates on the table followed by Eren’s hand on his own thrusts him back into reality and he inclines his head toward the general direction that Eren is standing. “What’s all of this about?”

"You know I don’t cook."

"Oh, I’m fully aware, trust me. I haven’t forgotten."

Eren’s grip on his hand tightens and Levi  _knows_  that he’s mocking him now, muttering something under his breath because he knows that he can’t see him. “Anyway, I didn’t want you to see anything before you tried it first. Just so you don’t pass judgements.”

"What does that mean, exactly? Be more specific. Should I be expecting burnt, undercooked, or inedible?"

A gentle punch connects with his shoulder and Eren lets out an offended huff. “Whatever. You can see it after you taste it, alright? Let me feed you.”

"Feed me? You’re going to  _feed me?_ ”

Eren doesn’t even bother answering. Shuffling noises are the only hints that Levi has as to what’s happening, and he hears something akin to the scraping of something on the bottom of a plate. “Open.” He raises an eyebrow in response, and Eren mutters in a slightly more impatient tone, “Open before I pry your mouth open with my fingers, Levi.” Slightly impressed by the threat, Levi complies, and much to his surprise, it’s actually good. On top of that, he  _knows_  this taste. He’s had this before.

"Shrimp canapés?"

"Yeah. I know you like French food, so I figured I’d try it out." He works out the knot behind Levi’s head and takes the bandana into his hands while Levi scans the food. They’re small slices of bread topped with gently seasoned shrimp and garnished with paper-thin slices of cucumber. He’s actually impressed with the presentation.

"Are these store bought? They’re excellent."

Even under the candlelight, Levi can see the blush that spreads across Eren’s cheeks. “No, I made them myself. The bread is store bought, yeah, but I made the shrimp butter and put them together. You really like it?” A smile replaces the blush when his question is answered with a nod. “Good. We’ll finish these and then get to the main course, okay?”

It doesn’t take them particularly long, and when they do finish, Eren fastens the bandana across Levi’s eyes once again. A familiar uneasiness settles in Levi’s stomach when he leaves the room. Just as Levi can’t bake, Eren really can’t cook. The canapés, however, were surprisingly good. Was it simply because it was an easy recipe? Shrimp and bread isn’t difficult by any stretch of the imagination. There’s a good chance that this main dish will be less than satisfactory, and he can only hope that he has the ability to pretend that he likes it enough that Eren isn’t offended or hurt. It’ll be easier said than done, and that’s what worries him the most.

It’s another 10 or 15 minutes until Eren comes back, but the plates he bears this time are significantly heavier and produce deeper, more solid noises when they hit the table.

_At least it smells good._

And it does, it really does. His mouth is watering, and considering how little he generally  _craves_  foods that aren’t sinfully sweet junk food, that’s a good sign. He still prepares himself for the worst, and when Eren brings the fork to his mouth for the first time, he already has a line prepared.  _This is delicious. I appreciate stepping out of your comfort zone for my sake._  It hits his tongue and he’s already forming the words with his mouth, but the flavor hits and stops him immediately.

“ _Shit.”_

"Ah, what? Oh my god, is it that bad? Really? I’m so sorry, hold on, this is my fault, I’ll fix it, don’t get up or do anything, do you need to like, spit it out or something? Hold on just a second and I’ll-"

"Hey, quiet. This is incredible. What is this? Pork? Well done. I mean it, this is excellent." Eren doesn’t even bother suppressing his sigh of relief. There’s a soft thump on the table and Levi undoes his bandana himself to see him hunched over, face-down on the tablecloth. He slides his fingers through Eren’s hair and then traces down to the base of his neck to rub soothingly. "I don’t know where the hell you learned to cook like this, but it’s fucking good."

Eren raises his head and buries his face in his hands for a few short moments while he gathers himself. “It’s braised pork with pearl onions and grapes, I found it on some site and it looked fantastic. I’m so glad to hear that you think it’s good. I was so worried. I had it started a while ago, I made sure that it would finish around this time. Are you sure it’s okay?”

"If it was shitty, I’d let you know."

"Really?"

"No. But I wouldn’t waste my time making a big-ass deal about how good it is like I am now. I’m extremely pleased."

"Good enough," he mumbles with a shrug and they repeat the previous course’s actions: eat, blindfold, leave to cook (in Eren’s case), and wait for the next course (in Levi’s case). This time, however, the smell that wafts into the dining room from the kitchen is incredibly strong and comes far before Eren actually returns with the food. It’s undeniably chocolate, Levi knows his chocolate. Lord knows that Eren bakes with it enough.

"You can take off your blindfold now. I’m not actually cooking anymore," he declares from the doorway behind him, and Levi removes it and folds it to the side. Eren takes a seat directly beside him and places a single bowl between them, a bowl filled with a deep brown substance with a consistency similar to pudding. It’s topped with a small dollop of whipped cream, and a few small chocolate shavings.

Levi doesn’t need to say anything. He willingly lets his pleasure show just long enough that Eren knows, and they both turn their attention back to the dessert.

"Mocha pots de crème. I hope you like it. I’ve never made this before, so I don’t know if it’s goo— What are you doing?" Eren leans back in his chair as Levi holds out a spoonful of the dessert, then he tries to take it into his own hand but Levi swats him away.

"Let me."

"No, this is  _your_  gift, I only fed you because you were blindfolded.”

"If it’s my gift, then let me do what I damn please."

He begrudgingly admits defeat but refuses to look Levi in the eye while he lets his mouth hang open. His embarrassment is undeniably entertaining and it’s payback for everything Eren had put him through, but what he enjoys even more than the flush of his cheeks is the way that he can’t suppress his smile, the satisfaction that settles over his features when his senses process the food in his mouth and the situation surrounding it. “It’s good, I presume?” He points and nods, then opens his mouth to answer verbally, but Levi cuts him off immediately. “Don’t you  _dare_  talk with your mouth full of this shit. That’s disgusting.”

After nearly swallowing the rest whole, Eren finally pleads, “Try it. It’s great.”

"You made it." They share a meaningful glance as Eren picks up what he’d insinuated with that statement, then they continue eating their food once again. Levi is fully prepared to get up and help with dishes and putting things away, but he’s shoved back into his seat just after getting up to follow him out.

"We’re not done, you can’t go anywhere yet. There’s still a fourth course."

"Are you trying to kill me? I can’t eat anymore."

"Yes you can. I’ll be right back, just relax." Eren doesn’t give him a chance to argue, he’s out of the room as soon as he utters the last word and Levi is left feeling full and rather surprised with how the evening turned out. The food was good, the company was good, and the thought that’d been put into the entire scenario was amazing. Once again, Eren exceeded his expectations. He absentmindedly reaches for his wine glass, but when he remembers that they’d never actually gotten anything to drink, he retracts his hand and looks back to the door to wait for Eren. Carrying a tray with various cheeses and breads, he’s greeted with, "Were you planning on smuggling alcohol yourself, or were we using my wine?"

"Oh, shit. I knew I forgot something. I wasn’t planning on alcohol at all, honestly? The wine glasses just looked nice. I’m underage and I didn’t even realize you had any of course own. Do you want some water or something?"

"No, I want wine. We can drink and celebrate, wine’s excellent with cheese."

"I’m underage—"

"Just go get it, it’s in the middle top cabinet."

Realizing that there’s no use in fighting him over it, Eren complies and returns with a tall bottle of wine that he doesn’t particularly know anything about. He immediately starts on the cheese while Levi pours them both a glass, and only then does he say something. “I’m underage, Levi. Seriously.”

"Your parents never let you have wine during the holidays or on special occasions? You’re not in public, I’m not telling anyone."

"No, they didn’t."

"… Really. Come here for a second."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. Come here." Eren sighs and stands from his chair to walk beside Levi’s chair while he sips his wine. In one smooth, fluid movement, and before Eren can process what’s happening, Levi pulls Eren down to his level by his shirt collar and kisses him. The hand on his collar moves to the back of his neck and his other hand raises to his chin, gently encouraging him to part his lips. When he relents, Levi raises from his seat just enough that he’s taller than him while he’s still leaning and presses his tongue, along with a  _hint_  of wine, past his lips. Eren pulls back just long enough that he can swallow and moves back in to kiss him again as soon as he can. This time he takes the lead, tugging at Levi’s bottom lip and waiting for him to part his lips.

_Brat thinks he can take control, hm? How cute._

He parts his lips but the power struggle is immediate and Levi finds the upper hand, pressing past past his lips a final time. He can still taste the wine in his mouth, tart and crisp, and Levi slides his tongue along Eren’s to savor it, then kissing a gentle line up his jawline. He lingers there until he catches his breath, wraps his arms around his shoulders, smirks, and whispers so close that his lips graze his ear,

“ _Everything was amazing, thank you, but if I’m going to be brutally honest… I do believe you were the main course.”_

—-

**_Day 4: Four-Course French Dinner_ **

[ _Canapés_ ](http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/shrimp-and-herb-canapes)

[ _Main Course_ ](http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/braised-pork-with-pearl-onions-and-grapes)

[ _Dessert_ ](http://www.delish.com/recipefinder/mocha-pots-chocolate-desserts)

_Coffee & Cheese_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post: http://hikariix.tumblr.com/post/70433854596
> 
> Art School AU.


	5. On The Fifth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

Levi is a lot of things, but romantic isn’t one of them.

The locket had been carefully planned. He knew that he wanted to give it to him months before they’d actually started dating because Eren was his best friend. He’s fully aware that he’s difficult to talk to—that he’s blunt, obscene, and occasionally unsympathetic—but that just makes the relationships that he does form with those around him that much more important. The people that willingly choose to stay by his side are the people that deserve his respect and his attention. Eren has  _always_  been that person. He overcame the initial intimidation and perceived insensitivity. A genuine effort was made to gain Levi’s respect and, to some extent, his acceptance. That was something that set Eren apart from the crowd: plenty of people wormed through his defenses and thrust themselves into his life, but very few bothered to genuinely worry about what he thought of them. 

Now, did that bother him? No. He didn’t particularly care either way. He did, however, believe that the time and energy Eren spent deserved compensation, and that compensation came in the form of friendship. By extension, the locket was a necessary gift. It was his way of conveying appreciation for nearly two decades of welcomed companionship. He’d openly admit it, too: he gained something from Eren’s presence in his life. Nobody else was as passionate about everything they did, nor were they as relentless as Eren. His drive was respectable. Impressive, even. Was he perfect? No, absolutely not. Even after over fifteen years, Levi still reminds him daily that he needs to watch his mouth, control his temper, and think before he acts. He  _vividly_  recalls the days that Eren used to come to the middle school with bloody lips and black eyes left over from schoolyard tussles and after-school “activities”. His temper has been explosive for as long as he can remember. All of these traits piece together to create the person that Eren is, though, and even if Levi  _wanted_  to change him, he knows that he couldn’t. He’s already set in his ways, and that’s fine. The person that Eren is, flaws included, is the person that piqued his interests and somehow secured his heart.

The 3-song violin mini-concert had been the next logical course of action and it’d also been planned weeks in advance. It needed to be. He needed to acquire permission from various members of the music department and janitorial staff in order to use the music room after-hours, and that in itself had taken close to two weeks. The idea itself had practically been  _given_  to him when he’d overheard Eren talking to Armin about his playing. Even choosing songs was simple. All Levi really needed to do was set it up, and he had. It’d gone beautifully, too.

Nothing about this is particularly easy anymore. His reservoir of ideas is empty. He’d depleted what little creative juices he had on the first and third day. What makes this infinitely more difficult is how incredible Eren’s days were, how much thought he’d put into the presentation and overall experience. Levi isn’t a hopeless romantic and, quite frankly, he has no desire to be. He would’ve felt absolutely ridiculous if he’d been in charge of Eren’s days. He prefers giving simple yet poignant gifts, gifts that hold meaning outside of “cute”.

(Receiving “cute” gifts, however, was a different story. He has no problem with that, whether he’ll admit it or not.)

He spent all night and morning brainstorming instead of sleeping. Ideas came occasionally but they lacked the depth that he craved or the simplicity that he loved. They weren’t ever what Eren  _deserved._

Having this much difficulty with something that should be straightforward and painless doesn’t exactly please him.

The internet was his last resort. The hunt began by scouring websites for gift ideas, but he quickly decided against it when he resolved to doing something original. As a result, it shifted into a search for ways to inspire himself, but just about every suggestion he followed ended unsuccessfully: looking at things around him for ideas, reading excerpts from books both he and Eren are fond of, cycling through childhood memories, listening to mood music, playing “white noise” to quiet the rest of his thoughts, watching movie scenes, and even playing goddamned strategy games to stimulate thought.

All any of it accomplished was irritating him.

After a short break from everything to maintain his self control, he decides that after one more potential method, he’ll just do something cliché like bake his personal brand of half-edible cookies. It isn’t what he wants, but he’s equally unwilling to subject Eren to any misplaced fury from the bad mood he’s putting himself in. He settles on his bed with paper and pencils, scissors, tape, and colored pencils, idly making things and hoping that it sparks an idea. Absentminded scribbles, bizarre shapes, and various fonts are all created, but none of it is particularly helpful to him. Frustration pushes him to stop drawing and resort to cutting strips of paper, and after another 10 minutes of that, he accepts that he needs to settle for giving Eren something generic.

Following an enervated sigh, Levi gathers all of the scrap pieces of paper, crosses the room to the trash can, and tosses them in without a second thought. After he grabs his wallet from the bed, he returns to his bedroom door with the intention of running out to buy something, and glances down at the trash can for a split second before he leaves.

On the top of everything sits a single strip of paper curled into a shape vaguely reminiscent of a heart, and the idea that it gives him stops him in his tracks. It’s as good as it’s going to get.

Five folded hearts are crafted from thin, warm-colored strips of paper and linked in a chain about as long as his arms’ length. Once he’s satisfied with the way it looks, he spends a few moments deciding how to present it. There’s plenty he  _could_  do. He  _could_  do something tacky and vaguely embarrassing as an homage to Eren’s brand of public humiliation like interrupt his classes or present it in front of all of his friends. Despite how entertaining and deliciously tempting as the idea is, he decides to stick with the “simplicity” approach. He hangs the hearts on the inside of Eren’s door and shuts it so that he’ll only get to see it when he’s home and getting ready to go to sleep. Levi knows that he’ll be home late from working on a group project, and though he’d  _love_  to see his reaction when he sees it for the first time, he has no desire to stay up any later than he needs to. As far as all-nighters go, this one had been particularly draining, both emotionally and physically. The knowledge that Eren will see it when he’s home is enough. The morning will be spent talking about it anyway, he won’t be missing anything by sleeping.

He settles into bed at 9:30, intent on getting a proper amount of sleep for the first time in weeks.

He wakes up at 11:30, just two hours later, to the sound of his door opening followed by quiet shuffling. Having fallen asleep facing the wall, he can’t see the source of the noise and in his half-conscious state, it’s extremely unnerving. His bed sinks under foreign weight and he clenches his fists beneath the covers, eyes wide and adrenaline pumping in anticipation of an altercation, but his muscles relax when he feels warm arms snake around his shoulders and pull his body back to fit snugly in the curves of another. Just as he wakes up enough to wonder what on earth Eren is doing, he gently nestles his face in the back of Levi’s neck and pulls the covers up above their shoulders.

He thinks that he’s still sleeping, he realizes with a smirk, and he’s trying not to wake him up. Without a word, he closes his eyes again and rolls slowly to face Eren, taking care to ensure that it seems like he’s still sleeping. Eren’s body goes rigid and his breath catches as though he thinks that exhaling will yank him from his (not quite) unconscious state. He remains tense when his head is pulled into Levi’s chest, but when he still doesn’t indicate that he’s awake, Levi feels his body relax and he hears an audible sigh of relief.

Levi half expects him to slip away and return to his room, but instead, Eren moves closer. They stay like that for just a few moments, pressed against each other’s bodies, until Eren jolts in his arms. He’s confused and slightly concerned when he feels him pull his head away, but the bewilderment is replaced with a pleasant warmth in his chest when he feels a soft, chaste kiss pressed to his lips. Immediately afterward, Eren buries his face in his collarbone one more time and falls asleep as though he’d been sleeping the entire time.

Just before he follows suit, Levi notes that Eren may have  _finally_ mastered the art of nonverbal communication.

—-

**_Day 5: Five Paper Hearts_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post: http://hikariix.tumblr.com/post/70531986299/
> 
> Art School AU.


	6. On The Sixth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

"I really appreciate you making time in your  _busy schedule_  to come out with me,” Eren teases as he unlocks the car door and sits behind the wheel. Levi takes a seat beside him shortly afterward and glares, not even  _remotely_  amused by the comment.

"What are the air bags like in here, hm?"

"You really don’t trust my driving?"

"Actually, I’m asking because if you keep running your mouth, you’re going to experience them first-hand pretty goddamn soon." This effectively silences Eren long enough that they can focus on putting on their seat belts and getting out of the parking complex.

Both of their classes for the day had been cancelled as a result of snow that has been falling since roughly 5:00 AM, though neither are positive what time it started because they’d been passed out in each other’s arms until after noon. An incredibly awkward, blushing Armin had decided against waking them up at a normal time because, and Levi quotes, “they looked so warm and happy together.”

By the time they dressed and looked presentable enough to go out in public, it was nearly 4:00 and the entire campus was covered in a good three or four inches of snow. Levi didn’t mind lounging around and relaxing with hot tea and a book, but Eren, on the other hand, insisted on going out. He gave no indication where he was going before he left, and when he returned, the first thing out of his mouth was, _“You know, I really want to go to the art gallery. I’m sure they’re open, I’ll even pay for you. Come on, let’s get out of the house.”_  There was no doubt in his mind that Eren had set something up at the gallery for him while he’d been out, and he’s been wondering about the possibilities since they left the apartment. Since he is a painter, it isn’t far-fetched to assume that he made something for him. Levi doesn’t mind the possibility at all, he’s fond of Eren’s work and it would certainly be a sweet gift.

The gift itself isn’t what he’s curious and somewhat apprehensive over, however.

The  _presentation_  is what worries him. Eren’s last two days were absolutely saccharine. Levi can’t help but feel like his life is a Nicholas Sparks novel, but with less angst and more gay. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it significantly more difficult to refrain from trying to guess and predict.

"I don’t think I ever apologized for coming to your room to sleep. I, uh, hope I didn’t scare you when you woke up," Eren says, bringing Levi’s focus back to his surroundings.

"Why would that scare me?"

"Well, I’d probably piss myself if I woke up with you in my bed."

"Oh,  _ouch._  Wow. It’s not like I didn’t know you were there.”

"… What?"

"You woke me up when you came in with your goddamn elephant-steps."

"How long were you awake?" Eren neck, cheeks, and the tips of his ears turn bright red; Levi has to make a conscious effort not to provoke him any more than he needs to.

"Long enough." When they’re stopped at a light, Eren turns to him, eyes wide with mortified horror. Levi smirks and adds, "Next time you want to steal a kiss, do it when I’m not feigning sleep. Understood?"

Eren pauses and furrows his brows as he glances up at the stoplight. Levi’s about to reiterate what’d he’d just said when he turns a little bit in his seat, slides a hand behind the base of Levi’s neck and pulls him close, then presses a soft kiss to his lips. The light turns green when he pulls away and he continues driving, a self-satisfied smile spreading across his cheeks. “Yes, sir. Understood.”

The overwhelming urge to do something as payback is forcefully pushed to the back of Levi’s mind when he reminds himself that they’re in a moving vehicle and he intends on making it to his destination in one piece. On the topic of destinations, he doesn’t recall ever having gone this way to get to any of the local art gallery. Something in the back of his mind wonders if Eren even knows where he’s going. “Out of curiosity, which gallery are we going to?”

"You’ll see."

That isn’t a particularly convincing answer, and he raises an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to mean that you don’t know where you’re going? It really isn’t snowing that hard. If you’re having trouble navigating because of it, I’m  _highly_  unimpressed.”

"I know exactly where I’m going," He retorts indignantly, and Levi notices that his knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel.

"Oi, breathe. Get your temper under control. I’m fucking with you." Eren’s road rage has always been particularly bad, and he almost regrets goading him on as much as he has. A few deep breaths help to calm him down and he removes one hand from the wheel to lace his fingers between Levi’s.

"Driving in snow is a pain in the ass, dealing with people on the road is a pain in the ass, and my boyfriend  _is_  an ass. I’d say that everything is pretty standard, so don’t worry about it.”

"Would you care to say that again, Jaeger?" Eren raises Levi’s hand to his mouth and kisses his fingers, but doesn’t say anything or make any noise. "That’s what I thought." He sits back and studies the scenery out the window for a few minutes, taking in the white-washed landscape contrasted against the grey of the sky and the dark, wet asphalt. Something about all of this looks terribly familiar. "Are we going home…?"

"The gallery is close to where we live, so in a way, yes. We’ll be there soon, I promise. In fact… You know what," He pulls the car into a parking spot along the curb and removes the keys from the ignition, "we can walk from here. Come on, let’s go."

"It’s cold as shit, like hell we’re walking."

"Come on, it’s snowing. We really don’t get a lot of snow. Four or five times a year at most. Take advantage of it while we have it."

"I’m too goddamn old to be wandering around aimlessly in the snow."

"You’re two years older than me, shut up. If I need to carry you, I swear I will." Eren unlocks the doors and he’s out of the car before Levi even has a chance to open his door. "Come on, the faster you get out, the faster we get there." He holds out a hand which Levi ignores, instead opting to cross his arms across his chest and shrug his shoulders up so that his neck is covered fully by his coat. His distaste is quite obvious on his face but Eren seems entirely unfazed: he assumes his place by Levi’s side, grins, and inquires, "You ready?"

"I’m not getting any younger."

This area is one that they both know well. They grew up not even a mile up the road and they used to come often to eat at one of the local pizza places or play in a part of the park. It’s incredibly nostalgic, but it’s also somewhat bittersweet to see how different everything is. Old shops have closed down, more buildings have been built, stores have been remodeled, sidewalks have been repaved, and houses have been painted. “So much has changed. Has it really been that long since I was last here?”

Eren shrugs. “Not everything has changed, you know. How about we go visit the park? We’re already here, we might as well. The gallery isn’t going anywhere.” In theory, visiting the park sounds nice. Their childhood had been centered around it and it had built their friendship so much. It held thousands of imaginary worlds and alternate universes that had kept them busy for years. Levi just can’t help thinking it almost feels wrong to chance tainting those memories with new, changed scenery, but Eren shatters his resolve when he pleads, “Please? I’ve been back here a few times but it’s different if we’re here together.”

Levi heaves a sigh and buries his hands in his pockets to keep them warm as a means of communicating how displeased he is with the temperature.. “Fine. Let’s make this quick.” The brightness of Eren’s smile is enough to make him  _want_  to see the park, he realizes with a groan, and it sends a spark of warmth down his spine despite the temperature around him.

They walk side-by-side to the park and Eren’s arm eventually finds its way around Levi’s waist to hold him close while they walk. The extra warmth is more than welcomed, especially when they stray from the path into a fresh, untouched snow-covered field. Levi notices that Eren is walking a faster than usual and his face is far more serious, like he has a particular place that he’s looking for. As the tree-line approaches, Levi notices that some of the trees are adorned with strange rectangular objects, but he doesn’t realize what they are until they’re both standing directly in front of them.

Five framed photographs covered in a few layers of plastic wrap hang on different trees, and one extra frame is covered by an opaque cloth. The frames that he can see have been hand-painted to match the photos used, and each photo documents a notable point in their overall relationship: their first sleepover, the first day of high school when they’d both actually been in the building together, their prom when they’d gone together as friends along with Mikasa and Petra, their first day of college together, and the first day of their romantic relationship. Each frame is painted accordingly. The sleepover frame is decorated with paintings of popcorn, sweets, VHS tapes, and various other small objects under a starry sky. The high school frame is covered with little inside-joke references and on either side is one of their report cards reflecting their “normal” respective grades (perfect marks for Levi, not-so-perfect marks for Eren). The prom frame is painted to look like two suits, the college frame features copious amounts of their favorite coffee and their respective art supplies, and their “relationship” frame takes a more simplistic approach than the rest and just showcases their favorite colors together in harmony.

"We’re not going to a gallery, if you haven’t already made the connection."

"I… How long did this take?"

"Eh, I don’t know. Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t too long, really. I’ve been remembering things since you gave me the locket and these were all big for us. I remember them all so well. Do you remember what we watched during our sleepover?"

"Harry Potter, of course. You were seven and the basilisk scared you so much we had to call your mother to pick you up."

"That didn’t happen."

"It absolutely did. Would you like to call home and ask?"

"Mooooving on. First day of high school. You insisted on walking me around the school because you thought I was going to get lost."

"I _knew_  you were going to get lost. You remember what you did the very next day? You got lost. You were too busy griping about me on the first day to actually pay attention.”

Eren buries his face in his hands and groans. “Prom. We can’t dance and I don’t even want to talk about it, I doubt you do either. We were both so bad. Ah… First day of college? I actually don’t want to talk about college right now, so we’ll go right back to the day you asked me out. Oh, this is a good one. You remember this vividly, I’m sure. I’ve never seen you unsure of yourself like that before. I think you were shaking a little bit, honestly.”

"Of course I was shaking, you little shit. You’d be shaking to if you were confessing to the person you’ve been in love with for… years." Levi’s voice softens when he realizes what he’s just said, and his expression falls blank. It’s incredibly unlike him to let things slip, to speak too much as opposed to not enough. This wasn’t the place nor time for this, and as he watches Eren’s eyes widen and his cheeks flush, he rubs his temples. "Listen to me. That didn’t come out of my mouth, you didn’t hear that, and you sure as  _hell_  don’t have to say anything in response to it.” His words are met with silence. “It’s cold. Let’s get going. Grab a few frames and I’ll grab the rest, we can take them back to the car so they don’t get ruined.” He turns toward the trees and with his fists clenched at his sides out of irritation at himself and the first major verbal slip he’s made in years.

Snow crunches behind him and he assumes that Eren is moving to grab the pictures too, but a firm tug on the back of his coat tells him otherwise. Levi turns around and studies his face for a few seconds, the uncertainty in his eyes and how his brows come together with hesitancy, but Eren doesn’t say or do anything other than stare back. Levi deems it a waste of his time and he’s about to turn back around when Eren pulls back hard, throwing off Levi’s balance and making him backpedal and nearly slip in the snow. Much to his dismay, he’s caught in Eren’s arms, and they’re kissing before he has a chance to push him away. Despite the way that his heart races in his chest, he pushes Eren back and mutters, “You don’t have to do this. I’ve been dealing with this for eight years, I can deal with it for a little longer. I assure you.”

"No, I want to," is the only reply that he receives before Eren’s kissing up his jaw and parting his lips with his own. A warm hand rubs against the grain of his undercut until he stops his stubborn struggling, and then they pull apart. There isn’t another word shared until after Eren approaches the canvas-covered frame and uncovers it, revealing a hand-painted picture beneath. He returns to Levi and stands behind him, pulls his coat around both of them, and he finally gives his reply. "I’d never really considered our future until you gave me your first gift, and it made me realize that I’ve always just assumed that you’d be there with me. My future has always had you in it. You promised that you’d be a part of my future on the first day, so this is me promising that I’ll be part of your future, too. This is what I see for us," he kisses his temple softly, "and if that wasn’t blunt enough of a confession for you, I love you too."

—-

**_Day 6: Five Photographs of our Memories and One of our Future_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post: http://hikariix.tumblr.com/post/70641264380/
> 
> Art School AU.


	7. On the Seventh Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

The most frustrating thing about depression and mental illness in general is that you can desperately want something, you can want it so much that you can  _visualize having it_ , but something else is always holding you back. I wanted to be enthusiastic about Christmas. I wanted to go out and buy gifts, wrap them, and attach heartfelt notes detailing how much the people in my life meant to me. I wanted to sing along to the carols that I’d heard since I was a child. I wanted for this part of my life to retain some semblance of normalcy, but I should’ve known better, I really should’ve.

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone, and that’s something that everyone needs to learn on their own. 

It was my own fault for hoping that things would somehow stay the same without mom and dad here. I’d been in recovery for a long enough period of time that I should’ve known better, and I did, but I couldn’t help that there was still a little corner of my mind that desperately hoped that I’d wake up one morning to the smell of my mother’s pancakes or my father making commentary about the local news. I’d struggled with this hope since I’d “reclaimed my life,” so to speak, but it became so much worse as the holiday season approached.

Eight months passed since the ward let me go and I was doing well. Unsurprisingly, my return to school could’ve been accurately compared to a train wreck. Most of my assignments were given extensions and the occasional “excused” mark, but there were still time restraints and no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I never quite felt like I was in the right state of mind to do any of it. The entire situation was both stressful and tolling, especially when it came down to  _forcing_  myself to finish work. 

(That’s something they don’t really prepare you for when they let you out. They tell you that you’ll need to make changes in your life and it’ll take a little while to get adjusted again, but they never really explain how much effort it takes. There is a big difference between hearing someone tell you that you need to learn how to live again and actually experiencing it for yourself.)

In those few months before the end of my school year, I broke down in front of my therapist more times than I could count and I switched medications so many times that I became familiar with the side effects and suggested dosages of just about all of them. It took plenty of energy and time that I never actually had, but in the end, I caught up and finished what I needed to finish. I graduated on time, too. 

(Levi even came, but that’s an entirely different story.)

Levi’s own discharge, amazingly enough, took place at the end of August. He stayed with us for the first few weeks until he got on his feet, but the  _moment_ he secured a job and managed to scope out an apartment, he moved out on his own. It disappointed me more than I wanted to admit, but I understood why he did it. He never enjoyed feeling dependent on anyone but himself. Old habits die hard and he still had _plenty_  of old habits. We both did, really. The most important thing was that we were both working on them. Together. It was just… It was just really, really hard sometimes.

This was, undoubtedly, one of those times.

It started a month ago, when he visited me after work and I brought up potential Christmas plans. I’m not sure what I expected to hear, but it certainly wasn’t what I got.

"I haven’t celebrated Christmas since the year before high school. It’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t really see the appeal. It’s only good for the big corporations, it lost it’s symbolism with the rise of consumerism." He sat on the couch beside me and crossed his legs with a sigh. I couldn’t definitively tell if he was in a bad mood because he was still so good at hiding it, but I knew that work usually left him tired and somewhat irritable. Unwilling to chance irritating him any further, I played it safe and chose my words and tone carefully.

"I think that there’s a lot more to Christmas than that. I’m not even talking about the religious stuff. The holidays are about spending time with loved ones and making people happy, being a good person and spreading joy and being happy and thankful."

"People should be ‘good’ all year. It’s a terrible idea to perpetuate, it’s like broadcasting that it’s alright for people to be shitbags as long as they can clean up their act around the holidays. I’m surprised you want any part of this."

I knew that he wasn’t trying to be condescending but his words stung anyway, especially because I knew that what he said was valid. Pride wounded and cheeks burning, I replied, “I’ve never had a problem with it. I always spent Christmas with Mikasa, mom, and dad under the tree. We gave each other our gifts and most of them weren’t even surprises, but we acted like they were and it was nice. I miss that. I was actually going to suggest that you come and do the same with u—”

"Not interested."

Of course he wasn’t. I suddenly felt stupid for asking in the first place, for even considering the idea, especially after hearing him say that he didn’t celebrate it. My immediate reaction was anger,  _how dare he invalidate something that meant that much to me_ , but I caught myself and breathed until it simmered down into a pool of disappointment. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. I needed to focus on accepting that there were things that I didn’t have power over, according to my therapist, and I needed to let them go. Christmas was still Christmas, regardless of whether or not Levi wanted to partake in it with me. “Oh. Ah, okay. Yeah. It’ll just be Mikasa and I, that’s fine.”

"Enjoy yourselves. I’m sure I’ll be sleeping since nothing is open on fucking Christmas day. Look, there’s another reason why I don’t celebrate it: I can’t even order a goddamn pizza. Shit, I can’t even buy ingredients to  _make_  a goddamn pizza.”

"You’re more than welcome to eat with us. Would you be interested?"

"We’ll see what happens."

"Okay. Sounds good."

And it  _would’ve_  been okay if Mikasa hadn’t come home that night and told me that she picked up a Christmas day shift at the restaurant in order to get some extra cash. I knew that she was doing it for my sake without her explicitly saying so, and it made me feel even shittier than my baseline “shitty.”

Loneliness and self-loathing during the holidays are hard to deal with. It probably made me a bad person, but something about seeing other people being happy when I didn’t even have the energy to smile made my chest ache. It made me bitter, it made me jealous, and it made me angry _._  It made me  _so angry_ , the kind of anger that cripples you, makes you sink down to your knees and you can’t tell if you’re crying because you’re mad about the situation, mad about everything, or you’re not mad at all and the anger evolved into depression. 

They warned me about this, but warnings could only do so much.  _"The firsts are always the hardest, Eren,_ " my therapist explained just a few weeks after I’d started seeing him, " _The first birthday, the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, the first New Year, and so on. You’re learning to live a life with depression and you’re learning to live a life without people that have been a part of your life since you were born. The first is the worst. It’ll be easier in the future. It won’t be easy, but it will be easier.”_

Well, it was Christmas, and it was definitely fucking hard.

I sighed and scanned the living room, taking in all of the empty pizza boxes and half-empty Chinese take-out containers. Prior to my diagnosis, I never realized that my complete and utter lack of motivation to do anything was attributed to the depression. It’d been particularly bad lately, in tandem with my special brand of holiday depression, and the house had accumulated a nice layer of trash that Levi made sure to scoff at every time he came. 

At that exact moment, I was infinitely glad that I managed to pick up his tendency to clean when he had something on his mind. It’s wasn’t a compulsive behavior in any way, he just found that he thought better when he focused on something concrete and very cut-and-dry. I benefit similarly but it a different way: I found that I was capable of putting myself on autopilot and not thinking at all, and that’s what I needed. That’s what I needed all week.

_I’m spending Christmas cleaning. I’m sure there’s some sort of symbolic meaning behind this that I’m just too lazy to find._

I grabbed an empty trash bag and started my rounds, assessing and establishing my plan of attack before letting myself zone out. Judging by how much shit I let accumulate, I figured that it would keep me busy for a few hours. I started in the corner of the room near the couch, worked my way around the coffee table, and even managed to pick out things from behind the shelves against the wall. Roughly halfway through my living room endeavor, I made a split second decision to go ahead and organize the shelves too because  _why the hell not_ , it gave me that much more to waste my time messing around with. All I needed to do was get through the rest of the day. I started with the top shelf and worked my way down: books, then dvds, then old VHS tapes and CDs, then small boxes of miscellaneous crap and various small statues and picture frames. The books, CDS, DVDS, and VHS tapes were easy to sort through, and I was used to seeing the old family photographs we all took together, but when I opened one of the boxes to organize it, my heart clenched and my muscles went rigid.

Sitting on top of a pile of old holiday-themed cards and unrelated newspaper clippings was a single photograph, a family photograph that we’d taken  _years_ ago. I’d forgotten all about it. We never used it because it was, in all regards, a horrible photograph: I was grabbing a mall santa’s beard, Mikasa was trying to pull me away, and my parents were both forcing smiles while side-eying us with death glares. Before I knew it, I was on the floor again, head pressed against the wooden frame while I stared blankly down at the slightly tattered and faded laminated sheet in my hands. The pain in my chest was a familiar one, an inexplicable longing mixed with the sting of knowing that things wouldn’t ever be the same. 

This is where “you never know what you have until it’s gone” came into play. If someone came to me a year ago and told me that I’d miss it as much as I did, I would’ve called them crazy. I did, though: I missed mom cooking Christmas dinner and scolding everyone that walked into the kitchen, I missed dad trying to tell me about medical advances that I didn’t care about, I missed the stupid, pointless little fights that we always ended up in because I was pigheaded and she didn’t ever take my shit. I missed it. It didn’t help that I’d gone from a Christmas with everyone to no Christmas at all. I couldn’t even get a gift for Levi because he’d just—

"What’s so important that you couldn’t get to a chair before you started looking at it?"

Levi’s voice startled me and I jerked so violently that the picture slipped from between my fingers. It fell to the ground, face-down, and I snatched it back up and pressed it to my chest just as Levi reached down to pick it up. He stared down at me with an eyebrow raised and I could only think enough to stammer, “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I found an old thing and I was just looking at it.” In an attempt to regain my composure, I cupped my hands over my face, ran my fingers through my hair then continued, “Anyway, I didn’t hear you come in. Is everything okay?”

"Get ready. We’re going out. I’m sick of everyone and I’m sick of being stuck inside of the goddamn house."

"Nothing’s open, though."

"We’re just going to walk around for a few hours. Outside. Dress appropriately."

Moving in  _any_  way was the last thing that I wanted to do, let alone moving to leave the house. The only thing that seemed particularly appealing was curling up and sleeping off the rest of the day, letting unconsciousness plunge me directly into the next day and relieve me of the burden of having to sit through another six hours of this shit. I hadn’t even eaten, but I had a feeling that I wouldn’t have been able to stomach anything anyway. This wasn’t a good state of mind to be in, and I opened my mouth to protest, but Levi shot me a look that stopped me before I had the chance to utter a single word. He wouldn’t budge, it was plastered across his features. As usual, he’d be unwavering, and arguing with him wasn’t worth it. I stood and sighed, crossed to room to grab and pull on my coat, then inclined my head toward the door to signal that I was ready to leave. “Where are we going?”

He didn’t answer, instead taking a seat behind the wheel in silence and staring down at the seat beside him until I did the same. Thinking that he hadn’t heard me, I repeated, “Where are we going?” When he maintained his silence, I clenched my hands in my lap and stared out the window at nothing in particular. We’d been on the road for a good ten minutes when he finally spoke, and the question actually caught me off guard, “What did you used to do for Christmas?”

Mouth slightly agape, I regarded him with bewilderment. Not only had it come out of nowhere, but we’d spoken about it in the past already. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why it was relevant at this point, or what he hoped to gain by asking. “Well… On Christmas day, we’d all sit in the living room and give each other our gifts. Mom liked to play her old Kenny G tapes and we’d open them to that, she’d sit back and take pictures while dad started breakfast. When everything was opened and we’d cleaned up, we all sat together and watched Christmas movies on TV, whatever happened to be on. Mom usually marinated the roast the day before and then put it in just before we watched movies and she slow-cooked it until it was ready, then we had a huge like, lunch-dinner thing. When our normal dinner time rolled around, we’d eat whatever dessert she’d made, it was usually cake of some sort or pie. When it was all said and done, we were all full enough to pass out wherever we decided to settle down and we’d have leftovers for the rest of the week. Why do you ask?”

"Just curious. Seemed like you wanted to talk about it."

I studied his face for a moment, desperately looking for a hint in his features to help me understand his motives, but he remained noncommittal and focused on the road. “I guess I did. Nobody really told me that I’d miss it this much. I feel really about what I’d taken for granted, you know? I think I told you this before, but the year that we adopted Mikasa, the only thing I wished for that year was for her to have her parents back because I couldn’t stand seeing her upset. Ugh, it’s so cliché, but when it didn’t happen, I was young enough that it absolutely broke my heart. Christmas hadn’t been the same for me from that point on, and I regret that so much. I didn’t get into it as much as I should’ve and I was really obstinate about a lot of things. I just wish I could take it back.”

A full minute passed with no reply from him, so I propped my elbow up beside the window and held my chin in my hand with a sigh. I figured that I probably irritated him. In retrospect, my issues were nothing in comparison to what he’d gone through, and his regrets were thousands of times more valid than mine. Staying quiet for the time being was completely fine with me, it was less energy wasted and more time that I could use trying to distract myself from the vicious thoughts cycling through my head. I made a conscious effort to concentrate on what was going on outside the car windows and, much to my surprise, I knew exactly where we were. This was the same street that I’d driven down the night that I’d… My stomach churned and I took a deep breath to keep the sudden wave of anxiety that threatened to settle over my mind at bay. I hadn’t been down here since then for this exact reason. I trained my eyes at my lap and worked through my breathing for five or six more minutes until I felt the car stop.

Thinking it was safe to look up now that we weren’t in the city anymore, I raised my head, but my heart immediately sunk and a ball of dread settled in the pit of my stomach. The deeply rusted, orange-brown beams once again stop out against the darkening sky, and I turned to shoot Levi a panicked look, but he was already out of the car. “Levi, do you realize—”

"Yes, I do. Come on, we don’t have all night." He started across the street before I had a chance to argue and I was forced to leave the car as well, chasing after him while anxiety pooled and tightened my chest. 

"What are you doing?" I didn’t want to be here. In fact, I’d purposefully avoided this bridge for eight months because I didn’t want to be here. Today was already a day that I’d spent dreading my existence, but I’d been doing a good job of holding myself together and trying to handle things rationally. This had potential to be the straw the broke the camel’s back, I could already feel myself unraveling. "Levi? Please—" He stopped so abruptly that I nearly ran face-first into his back, but he turned and caught me wrist before I could and pulled me down to the water’s edge without a word. Again, I pleaded, "I just want to know why we’re…"

He pulled me around a bush to the water’s edge and placed on the concrete were seven small candles. Confusion cut me off mid-sentence and he used the opportunity to pull away from me, produce a lighter from his pocket, and light each of them. He beckoned me over with a simple hand gesture and, puzzled, I complied. 

"Are you familiar with the act of floating lanterns or paper boats in memory of people who have passed?" I shook my head, and he explained, "In certain cultures, certain ceremonies are held to honor the dead in which paper boats or lanterns are released into a river. The vessel represents their spirit and the river is said to be symbolic of their journey into the afterlife."

"…Who died?"

I knew that I’d asked a stupid question when Levi narrowed his eyes in what I could only imagine was disbelief and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “Nobody died recently, Eren. Look at me.” He caught my chin with his fingers and positioned my head so that he was the only thing in my line of sight, “Christmas means a lot to you and I apologize that I don’t share the sentiment. You need to understand that the memories that you made with your family can’t be replicated, nor should anyone try to replicate them, especially not me. It’s not my place. Everything you experienced is sacred. I know from experience that it’s a waste of time to spend your life trying to recreate everything that you long for. It’ll take time, but you need to be satisfied that you have those experiences at all. Think back on them fondly and focus on how important they are to you. Honor them.” 

His hand slid up my jaw and he tenderly brushed a thumb across my cheek. My mind was swimming, it was too much at once and I didn’t quite know how to process it. I knew that he knew what he was talking about; the softness in his voice betrayed the otherwise flawless attempt he made to remain detached, and that always happened when he was trying to reassure me about something or talk me down from a panic attack. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he’d dealt with this before, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like he was my therapist, telling me things that I already knew needed to be done. My issue didn’t lie with the end result, I just had a problem  _getting_ there. “Do you think I  _want_  to feel like this? It’s not as simple as just telling myself to think differently. I have to undo and rework eighteen years of my life and I don’t even know how to take the first fucking step.”

"I told you that I planned on supporting you when you needed it, and that hasn’t changed. You know by now that nothing’s easy, but you’ve made it this far. Well done, Eren, really. You’re a headstrong bastard with a sister who would sacrifice everything to keep you safe and a lover who knows that you’re completely capable of getting through this."

I wished that I had the same amount of faith in myself that he seemed to have in me, but that couldn’t be helped. It was at least reassuring to know that he wasn’t one to lie and he was being honest, and it calmed me enough that my racing thoughts slowed and I could pay attention to one thing at a time. I lacked the necessary energy to continue this conversation any further so I turned to the candles instead, finally focusing on what I assumed was his reason for bringing me here. “I appreciate that. What do the candles have to do with any of this?”

"It’s the first step in letting go, if you’re ready to do so."

"Yeah, but you’re gonna have to explain?"

"Each of these candles represents someone important in our lives that is gone now, for one reason or another. We’re going to let them go in the water to both honor and symbolically ‘let go’ of them. It’ll change your perception of the river, too," he said and lowered himself into a crouch, motioned for me to do the same, and handed me a candle when I sat down beside him, "I have two for your parents, two for Mikasa’s parents, and two for my parents." He placed two more in front of me in addition to the one in my hand and then placed the other three in front of him. One candle remained off to the side, a seventh candle that hadn’t been mentioned.

"You only told me about six of them, what about that one?"

Levi met my eyes and studied my face carefully before he replied. “That’s a candle for the person I was before we met. This is as good a time as any to establish that all of that bullshit has shaped me but it doesn’t  _define_  me. It only took over a fucking decade.” I had to smile. I had to smile at everything, at the thought and the effort and the meaning and how much Levi was putting out in the open for me. There was so much that I wanted to express and didn’t know how, but when I saw the corners of his mouth twitch up as he looked at me, I knew that he understood.

Words weren’t necessary when we let the candles go. There was an unspoken understanding that this officially marked a new chapter in both of our lives, we were closing doors in our lives that  _needed_  to be closed. We’d grown and that was undeniable. I watched Levi grow in ways that were probably considered impossible just a year ago, and I  _felt_  the progress that I personally made. As I watched the candles bob up and down on every gentle swell of a wave, Levi took my hand and pulled my head down onto his shoulder, whispered, “Merry Christmas, kid,” and kissed the side of my head.

 

It’s true that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, but it’s also true that for every door that closes, another opens. Hand-in-hand with Levi, that open door turned out to be the best Christmas present that I could’ve asked for.

**Day Seven: Seven Candles of Remembrance**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post: http://rivaille-fetish.tumblr.com/post/71243399493/
> 
> WIMTF AU.


	8. On the Eighth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...

Gift giving wasn’t exactly my forte.

"What kind of music do you even like?"

I was  _so excited_  about this two hours ago. I naturally documented my life with music, and when I’d gotten the idea to make him a playlist, I thought it was fucking brilliant. There was so much that I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t find the words for, but  _there were songs for that._  I spent days scouring my library and exploring new artists to look for songs that would fit, and when I’d found a good amount of them, I spent even longer crafting them into a playlist that flowed properly and made sense. When I finished, I listened through and couldn’t have have been any happier with how it came out. Knowing that I had to present it memorably, I took him out to walk the park at sunset, and I listened to it the entire way there.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong, maybe I should’ve just forgotten about it until I gave it to him. Now, while walking with him as the sun set, I had second thoughts.

_What if he doesn’t like this music? What if he thinks this is corny? What if it doesn’t flow, or he doesn’t think it fits? What does he even listen to?_  I should’ve asked before I made it at all. Fuck.

Levi slowed his pace so that he could look back at me without mistakenly colliding with anyone in the process. “Where the hell did that come from?”

I bit my lip and nervously turned my focus back to the darkening sky, then swallowed hard. This was ridiculous, I felt like a elementary school child and his first crush. I  _knew_  it was ridiculous, too, but I couldn’t help it. “I was just wondering.”

"I’m not picky, you should know that by now. We’ve only been together, what, eight months?"

"Well, yeah, but like… What do you listen to?"

"What don’t I listen to?"

This was getting nowhere, and I was rapidly losing my motivation. “Okay. I made you a playlist. Well, no. I made you two playlists. One of them is really mushy and I listened to it and I thought it was too much, so I made another one that isn’t mushy but I still didn’t know if it was okay, so—”

"Are you going to give it to me or do you plan on running your mouth and just describing it in detail?" Heart pounding, I offered him my earbuds, but he only took one and pushed my hand back to my chest. "You listen too. You might as well experience my reactions properly. And for the love of God, Eren,  _breathe._ ”

Following a shuddering breath, I pushed the earbud into my ear and fished my ipod out of my pocket, pressed play, and murmured, “I really hope you like it,” just before the first song started. Watching his face and waiting for some sort of emotion,  _anything_ , made me sick to my stomach as I assumed the worst.

"If you made it, I’ll like it," he muttered and raised a hand behind my neck to pull my head against his, then let it fall as I kissed his forehead.

_It’s never easy but the two are now one, just look what’s been done: two hearts beat as one._

**two hearts.**  : [  **{listen}**](http://8tracks.com/zombeige/two-hearts)

> **i**.  _i would do anything for you_  - Foster the People ||  **ii**.  _two hearts_  - Paper Route ||  **iii**.  _you have my attention_  - Copeland ||  **iv**.   _so contagious_  - Acceptance ||  **v**.  _tell me you love me_  - Neon Trees ||  **vi**. _goes without saying_  - Anchor and Braille ||  **vii.** _do you remember_  - Ra Ra Riot ||  **viii.** _i will follow you into the dark_  - Death Cab for Cutie 

_bonus:_

**better.**  : [  **{listen}**](http://8tracks.com/zombeige/better)

> **i**.  _better together_  - Jack Johnson ||  **ii**.  _say_  - John Mayer ||  **iii**.  _better with you_  - Five Times August ||  **iv**.  _i wouldn’t mind_  - He is We ||  **v**.  _you and me_  - Lifehouse ||  **vi**. _a thousand years_  - Christina Perri ||  **vii.** _i’ll be (acoustic version)_  - Edwin McCain ||  **viii.** _i won’t give up_  - Jason Mraz

**Day 8: Eight Tracks in a Playlist**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post: http://rivaille-fetish.tumblr.com/post/71357073013/
> 
> WIMTF AU.


End file.
